Like any other human being on this earth, my life is filled with choices. The choice to do what is right, the choice to do what is wrong, the choice to ignore or the choice to get involved.
One thing I can tell you about me, honestly, I am passive aggressive. I can keep all sorts of things hidden, deep inside, yet it comes out as a passive form of aggression to others, and most of the times, it has nothing to do with them. This passive aggressiveness is due to the choices I have made. This blog is mainly for me, a way to release the real me, since the real me is hidden inside most days.
I am a husband and father to four amazing young boys. I have been married since 2003 to an amazing woman, who I believe God brought into my life. It hasn’t been a perfect marriage at all, we have been separated from each other since January 2018. I still love her greatly, and I see my boys on a regular basis. However, our marriage is a wreck, mainly because I can’t seem to be honest with her or myself, I can’t be me, and I can’t be trusted. The fear of losing her has always been a reason, because she was the first person in my life who I think truly cared and loved me, just as I am, other than Jesus. And I just haven’t been able to accept that. The reality that has hit me is this: Jesus is in her heart, and He has shown her grace to give to me. She has filed for divorce in February of 2018, and it has been a roller coaster for me. I’ve tried, really hard to do the right thing, and get help with my issues. I am still trying. The divorce was dropped i September of 2018, however, my issues have still existed, and my fear has gotten worse. We are still separated, but I know that my life is still a long way from where I want to be. How can I ever work on our marriage, if I myself can be real and my demons dealt with?
I have been working through many things in my life, in order to make myself better, but recently my life has been to the bottom. The main worry I have about this blog, is that it will expose the real me, who I really am, and it will cause people to disregard me, and no longer want to be around me, however, I am going to be real. I am going to be brutally honest with everything, and everyone who reads this will know the real me. I have a fear of losing friendships, business, even my job as a police officer, just because I want to share the real me. However, I have no choice but to allow it to be known, so that I can be free and that I can live a freedom life.
I am a Christian. What does that mean, well it means that I believe in Jesus Christ. I believe that He came to this earth 2000 years ago, and that He performed miracles, signs and wonders. I believe that He walked this earth and was beaten and crusified on a cross so that my sins would be forgiven. I believe that He died, and three days later, He rose again, to tell the world that death will not overcome those who believe in Him. I believe that Jesus is Lord and He will return to this earth someday to take those who believe in him to Heaven. There is a Heaven and a hell, they both exists. If you don’t believe that they do, then you are fooled. God is real, and the devil is real. There is evil in this world, and I have seen it first hand.
Present day, I own a small company, in which I really enjoy doing. Its a failing company today, as the economy and my lack of being real with people in the business has left the company to slowly go from one of the best, to one that is barely getting by. I will touch on this later. In addition to being a small business owner, I was a police officer from 1998 until 2010, working full time for two different cities. I enjoyed those times, and looking back, I would change a lot of things I did. I started my business in 2006, and it grew, and after I left my Police Officer job in 2010, I was able to work full time at my business. I still worked part time as police officer and currently work part time as an officer. I have been a detective, supervisor, and patrol officer. I have also served as a deputy coroner for several years during the past 10 years.
This has been about who I am. I have no goals with this blog other than to be real with myself. People may never read any of it. Someone may read it, dealing with and going through the same things I am, and I hope that God will use it to speak to them if needed. I pray that God will allow me boldness and strength to continue on this blog, and to be me, the real me.
Michael's Story 